Where am I?

I'm stuck in a rut.
CJ's stuff finally got here from Korea, which included the new TV he bought there for our bedroom. When he's working at night, I tend to watch a little Netflix before bed. Which means I don't turn it off until some time between 10:30 and midnight. Everyone knows that if you watch TV or read before bed, it sometimes causing sleep to evade you, or an un-rest full night. I. just. can't. help. it.

Another interruption.
Past couple of nights have been short and interrupted. Laurens thing is to wake 3times a night. I think she's sleep walking. Not quite awake, but awake enough to be crying. Sometimes it's due to bathroom break or to get a drink of water. Drink of water is not my favorite. Because it leads to another wake up. Bathroom break. So we've opted to put a gate up in the door, and when she wakes she is told to go to bed. I still get woken at the same time every night. Around midnight.

Please turn out the light.
Cincinnati, Oh elevation level is 482 ft. Destin, Fl elevation is 26 ft. Surprise, AZ elevation is 1,175ft. The elevation of my new residence in Edwards AFB, Ca is 2,302 ft. Here if any of the moon is visible, I would compare it to a full moon somewhere else. It's that bright. I'm thinking it has something to do with the following:
1. I live in the desert.
2. Away from town lights by a good 30 miles.
3. I'm at higher elevation compared to previous homes.
4. The pollution here is low.

So with my blinds shut, velvet curtains from target shut, the window lights up the room as if there was a little night light in the wall. I don't usually follow the moon phases. I just know since moving here, I haven't needed to keep the bathroom door open for a bit of light.

Falling asleep.
People generally require several minutes to calm down and relax enough to fall asleep, and the deepest stages of sleep typically occur 20 or more minutes after sleep onset. However, sleep onset and associated loss of consciousness can occur in an instant. This is particularly obvious in very tired people who can fall asleep at inconvenient and sometimes dangerous times, such as when driving a car. Similarly, waking up from sleep can occur very quickly, for example in response to an alarm clock, although it typically takes people much longer to become fully alert after awakening.
(Taken from http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/science/how/neurophysiology)

Getting ready for bed:
1. Close blinds, and pull curtains shut.
2. Turn fan on setting #3.
3. Close bathroom door.
4. Close bedroom door.
5. Turn off TV and PS3.
6. Turn on monitor.
7. Get into bed, pull on sheet and down comforter.
8. zzzz...zzzz...

Here's what I failed to notice after completing steps 1-7. The moon wasn't visible. It was in crescent phase where it's not lit up. With the doors all shut, no moon, black bedroom furniture, and a tired Courtney..The room was pitch black.









It was the middle of the night.. I go walking in my sleep..From the mountains of Faith..To the river so deep..I must be looking for something.- thanks Billie Joel for explaining my attempt to wake up to reality this faithful night.

So add all that together, and this is why the next part happened.

Let's set the scene.
I'm dead to the world asleep, it's
been maybe 40 minutes since I drifted off. Do YOU know how hard it is to wake someone during that sleep phase?








"Courtney!" Eyes drift open...then shut...open.. then shut..and zzzz.

Although Lauren wasn't yelling my name, she was crying her eyes out at the gate at her door. I flung the sheet/comforter off, barely opening my eyes- noting that it was extremely dark. "Let's search for the light" I thought. Eyes closed. Next I open them again. My body is on it's right side 4 inches from the ground. Yes people. My conscious mind thought it was still in the bed, and I was .2 seconds from hitting the ground, going at full throttle speed. I have no recollection of movement between flipping off layers and landing on the ground. I closed my eyes and fully fell back asleep during my acrobatics off the bed! This was a rare moment in my life. I don't fall out of beds...If anything wakes me, I'm fully awake after one blink. Works great for when you have a baby at home, or you think someone is trying to break in, or then dog needs to go out. However, tonight I failed myself. Can you put yourself in my pj's and think how weird it was to not remember or feel "Oh crap, I'm about to fall out of bed"? Where was vertigo, when I needed him??**

I find this all completely funny. I crack up laughing at someone getting hurt (of course when it's not that serious that is). SO I take care of Lauren, I open the bathroom door, and crawl back into the MIDDLE of the bed all safe and sound.
**Disclaimer**
No person, or persons, were physically injured during this reenactment.

Move along people, there's nothing more to see.

Some may relate, others may not, some may say this is personal. And it's all of that.

A glimpse of my thoughts from the past.

You go a long time not thinking of what it would feel like being touched by the man that loves you. You're busy. The day to day needs just can't seem to be met, so it's added to the list for the next day. You look back to yesterday and think, "what did I do?" I can't even remember. Nothing stands out. If it were important to the overall picture, you would have remembered. It's like you are running. Running through the days. Funny how the last two weeks of school seem to take forever. But when he's gone, a month and a half are a blink of an eye. All the days run together. If you've done this before, then the routine and boredom sets in quick. By the middle of this separation someone says to you, "Oh! But you are halfway there, champ!" Thanks for reminding me that how long it's taken me to get HERE, I now have that much time left til I kiss the man I love, until death do us part. That month before and after the halfway point, to me, is the hardest. I literally scream in my head as if that will teleport me months into the future. Because you have been "running" through the days, your feelings are on the back burner. That is until pure selfish and blindingly stupid people say or do things that light the burner into full flames of rage. You are sensitive, even if it doesn't show. During complete stressful times with everyday stuff, all you want is for someone to take notice and take over. Let someone else "put the foot down." That would mean more then cookin a meal or grabbing coffee. Although those are great too. After all, you have been the one doing EVERYTHING lately...well, seems like eternity really. No where in your mind would you trade it for anything. There is no replacement for what that man means to you. Therefore, his "job" is him. And he is yours, forever and eternity.

My smile is bigger today, then yesterday. The dream of you home is more of a reality today, then yesterday. I love you more today, then yesterday.
~Courtney Coles